Redefining Normal
by thepixiesmademedoit
Summary: Sometimes 'normal' is hard to come by. Sometimes things change without warning. And sometimes you really don't know what you've got until it's gone. **A sequel to Natural Equilibrium**
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so this is a sequel to ****Natural Equilibrium**** and is set approximately five months after the close of that story. **

**My endless thanks and appreciation, as always, goes to ****imahistorian**** for her limitless amounts of help, support and sage advice. **

**And finally, to everyone who took the time to read and review my one-shot 'White Rabbit' - thank you!**

* * *

A warehouse. Why was it always a warehouse?

The sound of gunfire surrounded them, the noise rippling and echoing around the sheet metal walls intensifying the already fraught atmosphere. Kensi, Deeks and Sam had taken positions behind stacks of crates and were waiting for the opportunity to return fire once again. Callen, on the other hand, was pinned down somewhere in the middle, without a weapon, trying his hardest to avoid receiving any holes in his person. Or worse, any holes in the attire that Hetty had issued him with for this assignment.  
The wrath of Miss Lange ever present in his mind he waited until his three team mates were on the offensive and ran for better cover. The meagre crate he had been using for cover now had more bullet related scars than he did and its properties as a shield had diminished to virtual non-existence.

This was one undercover operation that had not gone quite to plan.

It should have been simple. Get in, get the information, get out, maybe make an arrest or two. But no. Just as the two marines – Private First Class Devon Richards and Corporal Henry Jones - were finally getting chatty about all the weapons and explosives they had in their possession, in walked their boss former Gunnery Sergeant Andrew Lewis.

_'Crap!' _Callen thought with dread. '_What are the chances that this guy isn't going to remember that Macy and I arrested him in 2006, got him a dishonourable discharge from the Marine Corps and 5 years in Leavenworth?'_

The answer was given to him pretty quickly and without a single word being uttered. Upon seeing his guest Lewis immediately pulled out a gun firing off a series of shots in Callen's direction and sending him diving for cover. Reaching instinctively for his SIG Callen cursed loudly, remembering that the two marines had taken it for 'safe keeping'.

Thank God his team had been waiting outside, although going by the sudden and rapid increase in gunfire they hadn't waited for long. That was when Richards and Jones had joined in with semi-automatic weapons and the rest, as they say, was history.

"G, you okay?" Sam asked urgently over his earwig.

"I'm okay." Callen assured him.

"What the hell happened?"

"I think it's probably safe to assume he got made." Deeks answered dryly from his spot a few feet away.

"No kidding!" Sam responded flatly as he fired off a few more rounds.

"He didn't even shake the guy's hand!" The detective added in astonishment before sending a few of his own shots across the building.

"I think he may have set a new office record!" Sam informed him, the barest hint of amusement twinkling in his eye.

"Quicker than that job with the Ukrainian mob and the dog that stole his wallet?"

"Way quicker."

"I am listening you know!" Callen reminded them as he dodged his way around the warehouse towards his team. "And as for that particular office record, I'm pretty sure it's still safe with Renko!"

He paused momentarily waiting to move again.

"I don't know, G." Sam continued. "This was pretty damn close."

"May I remind you that Hetty has the final decision on this matter?"

"Yeah? Well while you're reminding me you might want to move your ass 'cause Jones is right behind you."

Callen ran again, quickly dodging his way between gaps in the crates and other items that had been left abandoned in the warehouse. Sam watched closely as Jones began closing in on his unarmed partner, aiming his weapon before squeezing the trigger and sending Callen scrambling for cover once more. But as Jones moved to further close the gap he was halted in his tracks by a single shot from Sam's rifle. Doubling back over the short distance Callen pulled the weapon from Jones' loose grasp before placing two fingers to his neck in order to hurriedly confirm what he already knew. Jones' condition was permanent.

Making his way towards the safety of his team, Callen reached Kensi first. She handed over her own SIG before resuming taking shots with her rifle, and after checking the safety Callen began to add his own bullets to the chaos. Sam and Deeks had started to skirt further around the inside of the building in an attempt to try and surprise their suspects, however, going by the sudden lack of return fire they were now receiving, Richards and Lewis had obviously decided to exit stage left in a hurry.

"They've made a run for it out of a rear door." Sam's voice informed them. "Me and Deeks are on them."

"We'll be right behind you." Callen responded, moving to follow.

Taking half a dozen paces before noticing that Kensi wasn't immediately behind him, Callen turned and looked back curiously. Casting a long glance over at his team mate he realised that she hadn't actually moved position since the final shots had been fired, and now remained awkwardly propped against the crates she had been using for cover. Tentatively stepping towards her he noted the pale, almost grey, colour of her skin along with the sweat which was now trickling down her face in narrow beads.

"Kensi?" Callen questioned tentatively, not liking the sensation that was now churning over in his gut.

Turning unsteadily towards him, Kensi's limbs were clearly fighting a battle to keep her upright. Then with an abrupt buckling of her knees she fell back against the crate, sliding down its length before crumpling onto the grimy concrete floor below.

"Kensi!"

Quickly kneeling down beside her, Callen could see little other than pain etched across Kensi's face and a familiar feeling of panic began to rise up in his chest. It was one reserved solely for when one of his team were in trouble, and to Callen it was the worst feeling in the world.

"Come on, Kens," he urged. "Talk to me. Where are you hit?"

However, Kensi didn't answer and with each ragged breath her respiration seemed to become more quick and shallow. As he watched, Callen couldn't help but think that being in danger himself was far preferable to this and as Kensi's eyes struggled to maintain any sort of focus, he knew he was right. Being pinned down in the middle of a fire fight was definitely preferable to this.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for all the reviews and alerts following the first chapter. I am totally surprised by the response. Here's hoping I don't let you down now!**

**Biggest thanks, as ever, goes to imahistorian for all her help and support with this and everything else. **

**Disclaimer - I am not a medical expert in any stretch of the imagination, so please know that I've done my best but I might also be wrong on a few things. It's fiction... go with it! **

* * *

Unable to see an obvious point for where a bullet had entered Kensi's body, Callen gently took her face in his hands and immediately felt the heat which was radiating out from her pale skin.

"Kensi, where are you hit?" he asked, a hint of desperation seeping into his voice as he sought out some kind of response from his friend.

A small wave of relief washed over the team leader when Kensi's dark brown eyes focused more steadily on the blue of his and she murmured out a reply.

"Don't think I am."

Callen, though wasn't about to be so easily assured, especially given the evidence he was so blatantly being confronted with. Quickly removing the rifle from about her body he carefully began searching her more closely for any signs of injury. Finding no blood to indicate a bullet wound he noted with relief that her vest was completely intact, so loosening the Velcro straps he moved to peel it up and away from her body, worried that it was restricting her already ragged breathing. However, as soon as his hand passed low across her stomach to clutch the bottom of the vest, Kensi gasped in pain, jerking her head back against the wooden crate, her eyes tightly shut, all breathing temporarily halted. Pulling his hand quickly away, Callen checked it for any signs of blood. It wouldn't have been the first time that a bullet had somehow found its way under a kevlar vest from the most acute of angles. Finding his hand clean he waited a few seconds until Kensi released the breath she had been holding onto, the tight knit of her brow loosening just a little, then with the carefullest of tugs Callen lifted the vest over the top of her head and slid it clear away from her body altogether.

Struggling to keep herself upright Kensi began to slip over to one side and as Callen quickly grasped hold of her shoulders in order to still her movements it only served to make things worse.

"Ah!" she cried out just before a sudden wave of nausea hit and she promptly threw up onto the ground beside her. Callen held her arms to steady her before placing two fingers to her neck and feeling the racing beat of her pulse.

"Kensi, talk to me," he tried, but Kensi's dark eyes had lost any previous focus and her usually calm and unflappable features were showing increasing signs of the pain she was experiencing.

Pulling his phone from his pocket Callen speed-dialled Ops, not wanting Sam and Deeks to be immediately aware of what was happening. Whilst they were in the midst of chasing down their two lead suspects this would be a guaranteed distraction they certainly didn't need.

"_What do you need, Callen?" _

Eric's voice was steady and confident, and just what Callen needed to hear.

"An ambulance at my location ASAP."

He paused then added, "Kensi's collapsed."

Callen heard it. The silence. The split second moment of realisation and panic that Eric had experienced upon being told that one of their team was in need of emergency medical assistance.

_"On it." _Eric replied, recovering quickly.

_"What has happened, Mr Callen?"_ Hetty's voice came across the line, her tone carrying more than a hint of concern, an edge of urgency present too.

"I don't know." Callen answered, his eyes never deviating from the woman beside him, his hand never leaving her jaw as he carefully cradled her face. "I've checked her over and she hasn't been shot, but she's got pain across her shoulders and stomach, her pulse is racing and she feels like she's burning up."

"_Anything else?"_

"Yeah, she's thrown up too."

_"Callen, there's an ambulance on route."_ Eric told him. _"I've relayed all the information you've given us. ETA is 6 minutes."_

"What about Sam and Deeks?" Callen asked. "They went after Richards and Lewis and we're supposed to be backing them up."

"_LAPD have two units on route to assist if necessary."_ Hetty assured him. _"Concentrate on Miss Blye and we will deal with the rest."_

* * *

Cautiously exiting the warehouse out through the same door that Lewis and Richards had used, Sam and Deeks were immediately hit by the forceful glare of the bright California sunshine. Blinking furiously as their eyes adjusted the agent and the detective quickly took off at a sprint in pursuit of their suspects, and rounding the side of the adjacent warehouse they could see Richards just ahead of them. He certainly wasn't the fastest on his feet and they were chasing him down easily, so when he tripped over some scattered scaffolding poles, his gun skidding well out of his reach, it just made things easier.

"Deeks!" Sam called out as he continued on after Lewis.

It was somewhere between an order and a request but Deeks didn't question it.

"Got him!" he shouted in reply, slowing to a stop next to Richards. After quickly handcuffing the marine and securing him to a set of metal steps running up along the side of the nearest warehouse, Deeks called into Ops the location. After being assured that LAPD were only a couple of minute away and would 'collect' Richards, Deeks took off once more after Sam and the man he was chasing.

Andrew Lewis had little if any idea of where he was headed, although his primary objective had been to put enough distance between himself and his pursuers in order that he could circle back to his truck. The trouble was that he was now struggling to even stay ahead of the NCIS agent who was quickly closing in on him. His time away from the Marine Corps had clearly done little for his fitness levels, his breathing becoming increasingly laboured and his heart pounding with such force that he felt as if it might burst clear from his chest. Making a sudden right turn down a narrow alley between the buildings he checked over his shoulder to see that Sam had followed easily, but as he turned back he was shocked to find an LAPD detective standing at the exit of the alley, a standard issue Beretta aimed squarely at his body.

"No where to run, no where to hide!" Deeks called out as Lewis came skidding to a halt.

Raising his own gun purposefully and turning back towards Sam, Deeks wasn't sure what the former marine was hoping to achieve by doing this, but he wasn't about to wait and find out. Without a split second of hesitation Deeks squeezed the trigger on his Beretta sending a single bullet tearing through Lewis' leg just above the knee, and causing him to drop down onto the dirty tarmac, his gun falling from his grasp.

Jogging the remaining distance along the alleyway, Sam could see Lewis scrambling for the gun he had just dropped. Quickly kicking it completely from reach Sam dropped to the floor beside Lewis and, after binding his hands, made a brief assessment of the fresh bullet wound to his leg. Through and through, and he wasn't bleeding badly.

Deeks joined him a few seconds later, collecting the stray firearm on route.

"Nice shot." Sam told him with a slight quirk of his eyebrows.

"Well, it's kind of hard to question suspects when they're dead." The detective reasoned.

Sam smiled a little and shrugged. "Not so much harder to question, but definitely harder to get answers out of."

Pressing a finger to his ear, Sam connected to Ops.

"Eric, we've got Lewis," he announced.

_"Copy that."_ Eric replied briskly.

"We're going to need an ambulance, though. He decided to do things the hard way."

"_LAPD is on scene. They've picked up PFC Richards and they're on route to your location." _

"Well that turned south pretty fast." Deeks observed with an idle scratch of his jaw as he and Sam stepped just a few feet away from Lewis.

"I've never seen Callen get made so fast." The former SEAL replied with a smirk. "He's never going to hear the end of it!"

"Speaking of which, where are our trusty side-kicks?"

Sam frowned at the detective's words, then pressing his finger to his ear once more called out to his partner.

"Hey, G, you two stop for donuts or something?" he teased, but no answer came. He looked over at Deeks and tried again. "Kensi? You there?"

Still no reply. Sam was about to contact Ops when Eric's voice came across the airwaves to them.

_"There's an ambulance on route to you,"_ he told them.

"I can hear it." Sam told him, a small frown creasing his brow as the sound of sirens became increasingly audible in the distance. "That was fast."

_"That one's not for you."_ Eric responded sadly, the reluctance he felt in having to give them this information was clear in his tone.

"Then who's it for?" Sam asked warily, looking over to Deeks who was listening with equal intent.

_"Kensi." _Pause. _"It's for Kensi."_

Taking an involuntary half step backwards, Deeks knew that all colour had drained from his face, just as all breath had left his lungs and his stomach had simultaneously dropped all the way down to his boots.

"What do you mean it's for Kensi?" he demanded. "Was she shot?"

_"She has not been shot, Mr Deeks."_ Hetty assured him firmly. _"Miss Blye collapsed."_

Deeks took a deep breath of relief at knowing that his partner hadn't been shot, but the fact that she still required an ambulance was not easing his worry by any great measure.

"_Mr Callen is with her and I am leaving now so that I can meet her at the hospital." _Hetty continued.

"I'm going too," he announced, but just as he was about to turn and run back to where they had left Callen and Kensi, Hetty's voice cut him off.

_"No, Mr Deeks," _she told him firmly._ "Right now I need you and your colleagues to solve this case." _

"Hetty," he tried, but the Operations Manager continued.

"_Corporal Jones, PFC Richards and their friend are not the only three people involved in this, Detective, and we need to know what they have been doing and who they have been doing it with."_

"She's my partner," he began, looking over at Sam as he fought over his choice of words to describe who Kensi was to him. "She's my..."

"_I know." _Hetty interrupted gently, sensing that words far more emotionally substantial were daringly close to passing his lips._ "And as soon as there is any information on her condition you will be the first to know."_

Taking a deep breath Deeks tried to steady the feelings of fear and anxiety that were now working at constricting his chest. He had no doubt that Hetty would stay true to her word, but this was Kensi they were talking about and through every fibre of his body he could feel the need to run to her, to hold her, to give her the comfort and reassurances she would no doubt resist from almost anyone else.

Releasing the breath he had been unconsciously holding onto, Deeks felt as if this was going to be one of those 'defining moments' in his relationship with Kensi Blye, and that if he made the wrong decision now then the walls that they had so carefully constructed to keep their relationship away from the prying eyes of their team mates could come tumbling down. The trouble was, though, Deeks wasn't entirely sure he cared any more.

Five months had come and gone, through which he and Kensi had navigated their way towards a point where the concerns, doubts and objections, that would certainly be aired once their team mates found out about their relationship, seemed to matter so much less than it had previously.

Reaching that point had been far from smooth, though, and it often seemed to be a journey which generated far more questions than answers. Both partners had been forced to recognise and accept the balancing act they now had to perform, whilst the grey area encompassing the moments where their relationship and partnership met and crossed over and over, had only seemed to double in size. Not always knowing where one ended and the other began had been initially hard to understand and reconcile, the boundaries having been changed so irrevocably, and at times there had been heated and emotional arguments which seemed to tear at the very fabric which held them together. But in amongst the emotional mess of these moments they had found that they weren't just fighting _with_ each other, but _for_ each other also.

Answers had come to them slowly but surely, and through that their bond had been forged even stronger. Over the passing days, weeks and months they had discovered the equilibrium they needed, with each other and with how their relationship and partnership fit together, and although it was neither straight forward nor easy, it _was_ working. He'd be an idiot to jeopardize that now.

"Idiot!"

"Me?" Deeks asked automatically, his head and his concentration returning almost jarringly to Sam. Hetty's voice had departed from his ear with a sense of finality and he realised that she was no longer there for him to further argue his point with.

"No, him." Sam explained indicating to the wounded Lewis. "If he'd turned right coming out of the warehouse he'd have made it to his car before we could've done anything about it."

"Sometimes we get lucky." Deeks replied with a lazy shrug.

"And sometimes they're just stupid!" Sam told him emphatically.

Looking closely at Deeks, noting the concern on his features, Sam's voice softened.

"She'll be okay. She's tough."

"Tell me about it." Deeks sighed, his thoughts struggling to leave those of his partner. It was her strength that he sought to grasp hold of right then, because until he knew she was okay, until he had actually seen and confirmed it for himself, then it was one of the few things keeping him going.

* * *

One thing Kensi was certain of was the fact that she was in pain. Great rolling waves of it which emanated out from her lower abdomen effecting her whole body. Having woken that morning believing her symptoms indicated little more than the start of a cold, she had taken a couple of Tylenol tablets and thought no more about it. Deeks had been ill the week before with a virus of some sort and she simply assumed that she had the same one. But through the day a distinct discomfort in her abdomen, along with aches across her shoulders, had gradually developed, and by the time the team was situated in the warehouse she knew she was battling more than just a cold.

The adrenaline caused by the fire fight had kept her going, although it had taken all of her energy just to concentrate and keep track of what was happening around her. Light-headedness quickly moved in to fill the space which the steadily dissipating adrenaline was vacating, and as the pain in her abdomen became increasingly pronounced she had been unable to keep herself upright.

The fact that she had no idea as to the source of her sudden malady was a scary enough thought on its own without the fear she had for the vulnerable position she had inadvertently forced her team into. Sam and Deeks were more than capable of dealing with Richards and Lewis, of that she had no doubt, but it didn't stop the nagging feeling that she and Callen should be with them, providing the back up that had been promised. They should be with their partners. She should be with Deeks. It was the one clear thought in her mind right then.

The arrival of the paramedic team temporarily derailed her thoughts as further groans and hisses of pain escaped from her lips as they quickly made their assessment. An oxygen mask was placed over her face, a pulse oximeter attached to her finger, and even when they moved her from the floor onto the gurney Kensi could feel Callen's hand holding tightly onto hers the whole time. As she had fallen he had been at her side in an instant, both his presence and his touch reassuring, despite the worry and fear he so obviously felt, and Kensi was grateful for that.

Eyes closed firmly as she tried desperately to concentrate on the steady and simple repetition of breathing in and out, Kensi found that she had lost track of what was happening. Feeling the sharp prick of a needle puncturing the sensitive skin on the back of her hand she opened her eyes and looked to Callen who placed his other hand against her head and softly rubbed his thumb in gentle circles. The gesture was both caring and comforting, but at that moment she knew it was coming from the wrong person. Right at that moment she needed it to come from Deeks. Right at that moment, as brave and as tough as she wished to be, all she wanted was Deeks.

"Okay, we're going." The senior paramedic announced firmly and decisively as she finished attaching a drip cable to the back of Kensi's hand. "We'll get a BP on route."

With a nod of agreement her partner gave a tug on the gurney and with Callen jogging alongside they moved quickly towards the ambulance.

Never had he seen Kensi quite like this before. The vulnerability which emanated out from her dark brown eyes was a rare sight and so focused had he been on that look that it wasn't until they were loading Kensi into the ambulance that he realised that he had failed to ask the most basic of questions.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"We're not going to know until we get her to the hospital." The senior paramedic replied briskly as she followed Kensi into the back of the ambulance.

"I'm sorry," she added, closing the doors behind her and leaving Callen unable to do little more than watch as they pulled quickly away from him.

With Kensi's rifle slung across his shoulder, her SIG holstered in the back of his jeans and her badge held firm in his hand, Callen couldn't halt the wave of emotion which passed over him, lingering uncomfortably. He'd seen Kensi injured before with bumps and bruises of all colours and configurations. He'd seen her knocked unconscious and held at gunpoint, he'd even seen her stabbed, but this was different. This held an element of unknown hanging cruelly above their heads in a way he had no influence over and he didn't like it one single bit.

* * *

Hetty stepped with singular focus through the main doors of the busy ER and made her way directly towards the admitting desk. The rhythm and routine of dealing with these types of situation was so familiar by now that much of it felt almost automatic, and for that she was often grateful. The emotions such moments stirred never seemed to lessen with time, and in truth she knew her ability to hide the strength of those feelings was gradually waning.

Looking around just in time to see Kensi being wheeled out of a treatment room just a short way away to her left, Hetty turned and quickly followed along the brightly lit corridor, weaving her way through the scattering of people who currently seemed to be residing there. Approaching her young agent and the small team of medical staff surrounding her as they paused waiting for the elevator to arrive, Hetty could see that Kensi's clothes had been removed in favour of a hospital gown, while a sheet covered the lower half of her body.

"Where are you taking her?" Hetty asked, reaching through the bed rail to take hold of Kensi's hand.

Largely groggy, her eyes fighting to grasp and hold the focus they usually managed so easily, Kensi, though was aware of the older lady's presence and squeezed her hand as best she could.

"And you are?" Questioned a tall, dark haired man dressed in navy blue scrubs.

Hetty didn't look up from the face of her agent as she gave the surgeon her name, before gently adding, "I'm Agent Blye's boss. And her friend."

"We're taking her up to surgery," he replied with a nod as the elevator doors opened and they hastily filled the empty space before them.

"For what reason?" Hetty asked, reluctantly releasing Kensi's hand.

"I'm sorry, but unless you're family or listed as next of kin I can't give out details," he replied hurriedly. "And right now we have to go."

Stepping back and allowing the elevator doors to close in front of her, Hetty sighed deeply before reaching into her pocket and pulling out her phone. Searching through the long list of contacts she arrived at the name she required and dialled, not having to wait long for the call to be answered.

"Patrick, it's Hetty. I need you."

* * *

Chief of Staff, Doctor Patrick Cho, hung up his phone and sighed deeply. One day the reason for Henrietta Lang's calling would be to take him up on one of his numerous offers of dinner. But that day was not to be this one. Standing from his desk he quickly made his way from the quiet of his office towards the busy hum of the surgical floor, and to where Hetty would be waiting, both for him and the answers he would likely bring.

During more than thirty years of friendship, rarely had he been able to refuse her anything and he felt little doubt that today would be any different. Hetty had a way of posing a question that left a person with few if any options other than to comply fully and truthfully. Patrick, however, was more than used to that, and in truth he didn't entirely mind. The debt he owed this remarkable women was one which, in his mind, could never be fully repaid.

* * *

Rising from the plastic chair she had been waiting on Hetty smiled gently at the sight of the familiar face approaching her. His hair still mostly dark, his smile still charming and welcoming, his brown eyes still giving out the same sparkle and warmth they always had, Hetty was still aware of the fact that Patrick Cho was still a handsome man. Unable to halt the sudden surge of memories, Hetty couldn't help but momentarily think back to their first meeting, all so long ago, and the unexpected sparks that had ignited between them. There had been many and they had been full of fire and passion.

"Thank you for coming, Patrick," she told him gratefully, taking the hand he offered in both of hers.

"For you? Anything," he replied, smiling once more.

"Can you please tell me what is happening with my agent?"

His smile dropping along with his head, Patrick sighed before meeting once more the inquisitive, almost pleading expression on Hetty's face.

"Make that _almost_ anything," he amended gently. "This is one of those times when I can't tell you what you want to know."

He hated not being able to give his friend that which she so clearly needed to know. However, there were usually ways around most types of obstacle if you just thought a little laterally.

"Walk with me," he said thoughtfully, a small frown creasing his brow.

Hetty eyed him curiously, but followed without query. This was not the way in which she was used to conducting matters relating to her agents, but this was clearly an exception to that rule and it worried her further as to what might be wrong with Kensi.

Along two short corridors and through a large set of doors, Hetty found herself walking where usually only hospital staff were permitted. Stopping beside the nurses station, Hetty looked to Patrick, having faith that he would give her the answers she sought one way or another.

"Okay," he began, his voice lowered slightly. "What I can tell you is that Agent Blye is in surgery to repair damage that is causing internal bleeding."

Hetty could feel her mouth open by the smallest amount as her brain rushed through the various stages of the mission that day, trying to recall an incident that could have caused this. She could think of none.

"What kind of damage?"

"That I can't actually _tell_ you," he answered softly, and upon seeing the exasperated look on Hetty's face reached forward to grasp her shoulders before turning her a full ninety degrees. Laid out on the wall in front of her resided the surgical board and Hetty gave a sigh of relief at realising the help Patrick was actually giving her. Searching quickly through the list of names her eyes fell hungrily on that of her young agent. Blye, K; age; gender and beside that the reason for her surgery. Hetty took in a sharp breath.

"Bugger."

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you SO much for all of the alerts and reviews following the last chapter, I was quite literally stunned by the amazing response! Here's hoping I haven't let you down now...**

**Biggest thanks as always go to imahistorian - my eternally patient and supportive beta and friend.**

**Also, just to let you know that there will probably be a bit of a break between chapters now as real life is a tad on the busy side with Christmas just around the corner. ****I wish you all a wonderful holiday season and I will try to get another chapter posted as soon as I can. **

* * *

Four months earlier...

_He had been away from her for too long, of that Deeks was certain._

_Every part of him, mind, body and soul was screaming out to feel her presence surrounding him, to admire her breathtaking beauty, to revel in the amazing combination of her strength and grace, and all from the only position he felt did any of it true justice. _

_Following the beating he had received at the hands of two fellow police officers Deeks' cracked ribs had taken longer to heal than he had anticipated and all in all it had now been almost a month since he had been with her like this. Although his frustrations had been slowly growing with every passing day and lost opportunity, and as much as his urges had been driving him towards what he so desperately wanted, he knew that once he got there he couldn't be trusted to take things slowly and cautiously. Not with her. Being so near to her every single day, her familiar scent lingering temptingly around him whenever he got close, he had been forced to show more constraint than even he knew he was capable of. But ultimately it had been fear which had controlled his actions. Fear that should he indulge in his desires to the extent that he wished that he might do further damage to his already fragile ribs, thus leading to further time away from her. _

_Yes, there had been more than one occasion when he had considered ignoring those fears, such was the power and draw she had over him; such was his need to feel her move beneath him; such was his very basic need just to be with her._

_But now he needn't worry. Now he could embroil himself within her embrace and bask in the high she would no doubt provide._

_Grinning widely Deeks watched as the rich orange sun began to push high above the desert horizon, its shining rays giving light and warmth to the land beneath and announcing the start of a new day. Making his way towards her enticing waves, his surfboard held firmly under his arm, he could feel his heart racing with anticipation. God, how he'd missed her. _

* * *

_Quietly letting himself into Kensi's apartment two hours later, Deeks made his way towards the bedroom, doing his best to avoid the usual piles of clutter that adorned the route. Pushing open the bedroom door to halfway he stood for a few moments, silently watching her sleep, marvelling at the air of peace that surrounded her, before crossing over to the bed._

_Kensi breathed in long and deep, the smallest of smiles beginning to tug at her lips as she could sense the change in the air around her. Salt... salt and board wax. Even in the depths of sleep and after a gap of four weeks she recognised that combination of smells like it were coffee and doughnuts. She'd know it anywhere. She'd know _him_ anywhere. _

_Reaching out and gently brushing a lock of stray hair away from her face, Deeks leaned down and pressed a kiss to his partner's temple followed by another just below her ear. It was the second kiss which illicited the slightest of moans as she began to wake and quickly led to him placing a third kiss on the underside of her jaw. Turning her head towards him, Kensi eagerly met the next kiss he offered. Warm and soft, with the lingering taste of coffee and salt water, his lips slid languidly over hers as she grasped hold of his shirt and pulled him down onto the bed next to her. _

_Propping himself up on an elbow Deeks watched as his beautiful partner slowly opened her eyes and began tracing a soft pattern across his cheek and jaw with her fingers. Leaning into the touch he shifted even closer towards her, whilst his hands automatically began to seek out the familiar curves of her slender body hidden beneath the sheets._

"_Couldn't hold out any longer, huh?" she asked sleepily as her hand ran up into his still damp hair and tugged playfully at the ends._

"_Nope," he answered, a lazy grin covering his face. _

"_Not even for another few days?"_

"_No way," he responded firmly. "It was too good out there to miss this morning."_

_Kensi chuckled. "You look like the cat that got the cream," she observed, taking in not only the smile which she couldn't help returning, but the flush of colour that covered his skin and the piercing blue of his eyes. Even in the dim light of her bedroom she could make out the particular brightness which always seemed to go hand in hand with his time spent out on the ocean waves. It had been missing for a while now and she was glad to see it back. _

"_No cream," he replied, dropping a kiss to the tip of her nose. "Just some seriously overdue waves." _

"_Overdue? It was only a month," she teased lightly._

"_Only a month?" Deeks quietly echoed, his tone playfully incredulous at the implication. "You go without Twinkies and peanut butter cups for a month and then we'll talk."_

_The suddenly unsure, almost pained, look on Kensi's face was all the answer Deeks needed. There was clearly a battle going on in her head as to how she could possibly declare any measure of victory over her partner based on the parameters he had just laid out. _

"_Besides," he added, moving the conversation quickly on and his lips back to within a breath of hers. "You have to admit a month was a hell of a lot longer than we managed."_

_Kensi had to concede that one. _

"_True," she whispered, their lips joining together once more, but without showing any immediate sign of parting._

_Carefully tilting her head and changing the angle to bring him even closer, another small moan escaped her as his tongue grazed gently over hers._

_With one hand still entangled in his hair, Kensi allowed the other to drift down his side and under his t-shirt, her fingers quickly finding the smooth skin covering toned muscle that was their prize. Gently running her hand up to between his shoulder blades, she proceeded to drag her nails lightly down the length of his spine and this time it was Deeks' turn to moan. _

_With the kiss building in its intensity both partners were very aware of which track they were heading down right then. The surge of energy between them seemed to hum like electricity and they knew that once it reached a certain level then it would be near on impossible to contain._

_With her partner's soft lips now trailing a path down her throat and his hands seeking out as much of her skin as she was of his, it was with some effort that Kensi managed to concentrate long enough to ask the question she needed answering._

"_What time is it?" she tried, though the words were little more than a throaty murmur._

"_Early." Deeks replied, his lips incessant against her collar bone, his hands persistent in their caresses beneath her own t-shirt._

"_How early?"_

_Breaking contact from her skin, Deeks looked Kensi in the eye and smiled gently before pressing the lightest of kisses to her lips. _

"_We've got time," he assured her._

"_Thank God for that!" she exclaimed, then quickly, and with one fluid movement, pulled his t-shirt up and over his head before returning her hungry lips to his._

* * *

Smoothly pulling the SRX into a parking space near to the boat shed, Deeks turned the key in the ignition, silencing the steady purr of the engine. Planting both hands firmly atop the steering wheel he dropped his head down to rest on top of them whilst pulling deep and even breaths in through his nose. Nervous energy seemed to be coursing through his body right then, clearly emphasised by the agitated dance his feet and knees were currently performing. It was a rhythm Michael Flatley would have been proud of, but what it was actually achieving, other than to burn off any of the remaining calories he had left from breakfast, remained unclear.

It had been almost forty minutes since Kensi had been loaded into the back of an ambulance and rushed in the direction of a hospital and still he had yet to hear even a murmuring of news from Hetty. His mind was racing in a variety of directions as to why there should be such a delay in her calling, but none of them brought any measure of comfort to him.

Joining Deeks and Sam at their location almost three quarters of a mile away across the industrial estate they had been at, Callen had quickly shared his account of their friend's collapse, but to Deeks' obvious frustration no diagnosis had come with it. He knew that there was little more the team leader could tell them, that they just had to wait, but feeling Callen press Kensi's badge firmly into his grasp, he struggled to swallow down the growing storm of anxiety the situation had stirred within him. However, meeting the unflinching blue of Callen's gaze, his own feelings of worry uninhibitedly clear in his expression, Deeks was quickly reminded that he wasn't the only man amongst the team who cared for Kensi deeply.

Lifting his gaze from the dashboard towards the steady roll of the ocean waves beating at regular intervals against the sandy shoreline, Deeks took in another deep breath and finally managed to catch one which seemed to calm him. Resolutely he halted the uncontrolled movements of his legs and with a roll of his shoulders and a side to side stretch of his neck he opened the door of the SRX and made to get out. Then his phone rang. Looking down at the caller ID he could see that it was Hetty and his legs began to twitch once more.

* * *

"_So what happened to us meeting at work this morning?" Kensi asked in mock confusion as Deeks made his way around to the kitchen, pulling a t-shirt down over his bare torso as he did so. His hair still damp, though this time from the shower, he stopped directly behind her as she poured out two mugs of freshly brewed coffee. Pressing his lips to the smooth area of skin at the juncture of Kensi's neck and shoulder, Deeks rested his hands on her hips as he closed his eyes and simply breathed her in. _

"_I just wanted to see you," he murmured against her skin, but despite the lack of volume in his voice, Kensi still caught the underlying tone that suggested greater meaning to his words. Leaning back against the warmth of his body she dropped her head back against his shoulder and tilted her face towards his. _

"_I wanted to see you before we had to be Detective Deeks and Special Agent Blye," he continued softly, wrapping his arms securely around her waist. "I wanted to see you before Eric stood at the top of those steps and blew into whatever whistle, or noise making... thing he's bound to have with him, and we start on another case. I wanted to see you before we strap on badges and guns and step out into the unknown again, because..." Pause. "Time with you... like this, is too precious to waste."_

_Kensi nodded in understanding, then turning in his arms she smiled gently up at him. "See, and I was thinking that it was just for the booty call." _

_Deeks grinned widely and laughed before placing another kiss to her neck. _

"_Okay, I'll admit that was a small part of it," he mumbled sheepishly, colour rising up across his face. "But I swear the rest had much more honourable intentions behind it." _

"_Sure it did," she replied dryly, then turning back towards the counter top she passed Deeks one of the mugs of coffee and began sipping at the other herself._

* * *

"Okay. Thanks."

Finishing his call, Callen walked back across the main room of the boat shed to where Sam sat perched on the edge of the table.

"That was Hetty," he began, returning his phone to the pocket of his jeans.

"How's Kensi?" Sam asked, concern clear in both his furrowed expression and in the tone of his voice. Despite not having witnessed the actual event himself, seeing his partner afterwards had clued him to its severity.

Callen had rejoined his team mates looking unusually unsettled and Sam had recognised immediately that it had little to do with the array of near misses he had so recently encountered during the warehouse shoot out. Seeing Kensi in the position he had, so completely without focus or fight, had jarred him more than he had been prepared for, and he knew that it was possibly one of the first times that he had ever viewed her as breakable. Deeks often joked, referring to his partner as Wonder Woman, and in truth Callen wasn't sure he was ready for that image to alter in his mind.

A look had been shared between the partners in which Callen had clearly noted the single knot creasing Sam's brow and the slight hook of his eyebrow. Both gestures had intimated the same question, to which Callen wasn't entirely confident of the answer right then. Raising his chin a little he had forced out a brief nod of confirmation and with that they moved on to what needed to be dealt with. Lewis and Richards. The weapons. The case.

Arriving at the boat shed, an uninjured PFC Devon Richards with them, Callen and Sam were getting ready to begin their interrogation whilst waiting for Deeks to join them, when Callen's phone had rung bringing them the only news that really mattered to them right then.

"She got rushed into surgery." Callen explained evenly. "Looks like a pretty bad appendicitis."

Sam nodded, the crease in his brow not yet releasing.

"She going to be okay?"

"Should be fine," he assured his partner, although somewhere deep down in his gut something shifted and he wasn't sure why. "By the way, we're not waiting on Deeks for this," he continued, indicating to the large screen next to them showing one of the interrogation rooms containing a quietly sat PFC Richards. "Hetty finally gave him permission to head over to the hospital to be with Kensi."

"Good." Sam replied, but said nothing further on the subject. Deeks was understandably struggling to concentrate, and right then wasn't the time to involve him in this type of interrogation. They were going to need him at his best on this, and until he was sure that Kensi was going to be okay, he certainly wasn't going to be.

* * *

Kensi's world was dark and confusing. There were a number of sounds and noises ranging in volume all around her, some muffled, others echoing, but as time passed slowly along they gradually became sharper and clearer. There were voices too, talking in hushed tones, and there was beeping. Lots of regular beeping.

Daring to open her eyes the dark immediately vanished and she was greeted by the sight of a man. Blond hair, blue eyes, a little on the pale side, but wearing that smile, the one she had loved from the first moment she saw it. Kensi smiled back as best she could. She was pleased he was there after all.

"Hey, welcome back." Deeks told her quietly, gently squeezing the hand he hadn't let go of since she was wheeled through to the curtained recovery area more than an hour previous. With his thumb hooked securely around hers, his fingers tracing idle circles over her wrist, Kensi closed her eyes once more enjoying the calming sensation it created.

Tentatively reaching over and brushing a few stray hairs from her face with his fingers, Deeks took in and released a long, deep breath of relief. Kensi was here, she was still with him. He could see her there beside him, could feel beneath his fingers the warmth of her soft skin and the strong, steady beat of her pulse, and rarely had he been so glad of anything.

"Did you get them?"

A frown quickly formed across Deeks' face as he looked down at his still sleepy partner and tried to give context to the seemingly random first question she had just posed. Then a light bulb suddenly flickered on above his head as he realised that she was referring to the case. The last Kensi had seen of him was right before he and Sam had gone chasing after Richards and Lewis and she had no idea as to the outcome of that situation.

Deeks smiled and shook his head disbelievingly before leaning over and placing a soft kiss to the side of her head.

"Yeah, we got them," he whispered reassuringly into her ear, then pressed a second kiss just below it.

"Good," she murmured with a sigh, feeling the familiar tickle of Deeks' soft scruff against her face. It was one of those silly, small things that deep down she knew wasn't really important in the grand scheme of their relationship, but like the familiar scent of him that now surrounded her and accompanied the air into her lungs, it was something she took comfort from. More than anything because those small things reminded and reassured her of the most important thing. That he was there, beside her, _with_ her.

"You in any pain?" Deeks asked, sitting back down but continuing to run his fingers lightly through Kensi's dark locks, unable to stop himself from touching her.

"Nuh-uh," she answered, opening her eyes properly and taking in the open, unguarded expression of care and concern across her partner's face.

"Good," he whispered, his voice thick with the emotion he felt.

Kensi eyed him carefully, aware that he was struggling to mask the strength of his feelings.

"You scared the crap out of me, you know," he continued, although his voice barely rose above the whisper he had started with.

"Yeah, I'm getting that distinct impression," she replied, squeezing his hand and drawing his stormy blue eyes to hers. "Sorry about that."

"God, Kens, you've got nothing to be sorry for," he responded emphatically. "Besides," he added, leaning in towards her again. "You're worth it."

Kensi smiled as Deeks closed the remaining small distance between them and softly brushed his lips against hers. Placing her free hand against his face she rubbed gently at his cheek, feeling safe in only the way his presence allowed.

"So what's actually the matter with me? I know I've had surgery, but I'm not entirely sure why. Everything's still pretty fuzzy."

"That I don't actually have the answer to," he told her evenly as he settled back in his chair once more. "They wouldn't tell me."

"Well what about Hetty? She was here, wasn't she?"

Deeks shifted slightly, unwilling to start a line of conversation on what Hetty may or may not know. When he arrived at the hospital their exchange had been brief with her informing him of very little before she departed back to Ops. The doctors had apparently been unwilling to discuss Kensi's condition with anyone other than her immediate family or next of kin, and as Hetty and Deeks were neither they had been left with little to go on. Something, however, didn't sit right with the LAPD detective about this. Hetty always had a way of finding something out. If there was information she wanted then it wasn't often she was denied her prize. For now, though, he had to let it go.

"Look don't worry about it," he told her. "We'll find out soon enough."

Looking around the small cubical and out through the gap in the pale blue curtains, Deeks was suddenly aware of the fact that he had informed no-one of Kensi's waking. But before he could do anything about it he saw a tall man dressed in dark blue scrubs approaching. A nurse leading the way, his white coat billowing behind, he wore a stethoscope around his neck and an unreadable expression on his face.

"Well you're in luck, because it looks like the doctor is heading this way." Deeks said turning with a smile to look at his partner before adding. "You can interrogate him. It'll be fun!"

Kensi couldn't help but smile, although it did little to quell the nervous anxiety she had working its way about her increasingly queasy stomach. The nurse gave a warm and cheery greeting before performing the few checks she needed to and giving the usual information on pain relief and call buttons, then she departed once more.

The doctor took this time to introduce himself, and then promptly, and without warning, asked Deeks to leave.

The fine hairs on the back of Deeks' neck began to rise up one by one and a small shiver passed down his spine at the prospect of what information this man was likely to share. Then Kensi spoke just two words.

"He's staying."

And as it turned out, two words were all it took to still surprise him. Two words spoken in a clear and concise tone, accompanied by a tight grip on his hand, which left Doctor Preston in little doubt that the description he had been given of them as 'partners' held much greater meaning than he had originally been led to believe.

"Okay then," he said, and after clearing his throat began to clarify and explain the series of events and symptoms that had led to them all now being in the same room together.

Kensi listened and nodded, playing catch up as best she could, with many of her memories being triggered by what she was being told. However, she couldn't shake the feeling that there was something she should already know. That she had, perhaps, ignored or mislaid a very obvious but important piece of the puzzle, the one which sat right in the middle and joined all the others together. Then Doctor Preston produced the puzzle piece from behind his back and spoke the words neither she nor Deeks had seen coming, because amongst all of the worries and fears they had for love lost, they had never properly stopped to consider what their love could create.

"I'm afraid, Agent Blye, that you've suffered an ectopic pregnancy."

**TBC...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Huge apologies for the woefully overdue update. Real life has been a touch on the busy side since the new year - this month it's been the joys of chicken pox! Plus I also managed to get a little side-tracked on a couple of other stories - sorry!**

**Many thanks for all of the reviews and alerts following the last chapter, each one really is appreciated. **

**Biggest thanks, as always, go to imahistorian - my eternally patient and encouraging friend, beta and fellow lemming :)**

* * *

**_Three and a half months earlier..._**

"_Marine Sergeant Daniel Lopez, currently stationed out of Camp Pendleton. His body was found yesterday by a couple of hikers just off Interstate 8 on the edge of Anza-Borrego State Park." Nell informed the gathered group. "He died of a single gunshot wound to the head."_

_Standing in the semi-dark of the Ops centre the whole team's focus was on the large screen in front of them, a picture of a uniformed Daniel Lopez alongside one showing how he had ended his life adorning it._

"_An execution?" Callen questioned gently, although he already knew the answer. _

"_It appears that way." The young analyst confirmed._

"_Service record?" Sam enquired, his usual, small frown of concentration in place. _

"_Impeccable." Eric answered, his head lowered over his tablet whilst he manoeuvred further information onto the main screen for everyone to view. "He completed two tours of Iraq and was part way through a tour in Afghanistan when his patrol unit was ambushed in Helmand Province killing three fellow marines."_

_Hetty glanced across the room from her position near the door, taking in the slight shoulder slump and momentary head drop of each team member. This wasn't a new story to them, in fact it was one of heart-aching familiarity, but that didn't mean that any of them had become either numb or immune to it's constant re-telling. _

"_According to the action report, Sergeant Lopez was shot and wounded, but he continued to fight off Taliban insurgents and saved the lives of two other injured marines." Eric continued. "He's been assigned State-side for the last eighteen months, but was due back in Afghanistan in three weeks time." _

"_What did he do at Pendleton?" Callen asked, his own slight frown now matching his partner's. _

"_He worked in the armoury." Nell replied quickly. _

"_To which there have been a series of break-ins over the last two months," Hetty added as she stepped further into the room. "We wouldn't normally be involved in this kind of investigation, except that weapons from those break-ins have been used in two recent shootings in Mexico, which have involved members of two different drug cartels."_

_All heads turned sharply towards the Operations Manager at hearing this information, but it was Deeks who spoke._

"_Stolen marine weapons found their way into the hands of the Mexican drug cartels?" he asked _

"_If only it were that simple, Detective," she answered. "However, in this instance it appears that the cartel members were the victims of the shootings rather than the aggressors."_

"_Well ain't that a kick in the head." Callen commented dryly. "I'm guessing the Mexican authorities along with the DEA are asking a few pointed questions about how this might have happened?"_

"_That would be one way of phrasing it, Mr Callen." Hetty conceded gently, a small smile playing over her lips as she recalled her earlier conversation with Director Vance. _

"_More like, since when is it US Marine Corp policy to supply arms to the Mexican civilian population?" Kensi added and watched as Hetty gave a simple nod in reply. "What was the result of the investigation into the missing weapons?"_

"_The investigation is still ongoing but their lead suspect," she paused briefly and pointed towards the screen. "Was Sergeant Daniel Lopez." _

_Callen nodded thoughtfully, exchanging a glance with Sam as a decision rendered in his mind. Turning to the two junior partners he opened his mouth to speak, but they beat him to it, shoulders a little crumpled at knowing which end of the investigative stick they were about to be presented with._

"_We know." Kensi announced with a small roll of her eyes. _

"_Pendleton." They spoke in unison. _

_Callen raised an eyebrow and smiled lazily. "Well since you volunteered," he responded with a shrug._

_Kensi smiled, resigned to the orders which she and her partner had practically given themselves. Looking over at Deeks she could practically see the cogs turning in his head._

"_No Mumford and Sons," she told him, her finger pointed accusingly at him. _

"_I thought you liked them?"_

"_I do," she confirmed. "Just not every single day."_

_Deeks shrugged._

"_Well actually I was going to suggest we stop for doughnuts," he replied with a smile of forced innocence. Then turning towards the door he began to exit the Ops centre, while the smile he wore stretched into a wide grin knowing the bargaining that was likely going on in her head right then._

"_Fine! You can play them on the way back." Kensi called after as she quickly followed._

_Watching as the sliding doors shut once more Callen looked over to his partner. _

"_Nicely played," he commented._

"_Man's definitely learning." Sam smiled._

* * *

A freight train. Definitely a freight train. Anything smaller wouldn't have produced such an extreme and immoderate result. It also appeared as if a riot may have broken out too, immediately following the moment in which Kensi felt as if she had quite possibly been hit by the aforementioned freight train. Questions and emotions had built suddenly and without warning, all surging forward as one without any clear boundary to show their individuality, each one warring over who would get to go first.

How had she not known she was pregnant? How had she missed that?

Kensi could sense the world begin to tilt and spin, and as she reached to cling onto something she felt the strong and renewed grasp of Deeks' hand anchoring her tightly. Looking over to her partner, an expression of shock and anguish so blatantly clear on his face, she found herself lowering her gaze away from him, but his hand remained steadfast in hers.

Words were what was needed right then and Kensi knew that. She needed to say something, anything, to convey to Deeks that the news they had just been presented with was as much a surprise to her as it was to him. However, words refused to formulate easily, unwilling to force themselves past the heavy lump which had formed in her throat.

"Kensi's pregnant?"

Deeks' voice sounded unsure, even unsteady, as he looked questioningly over to the other man stood in the curtained area with them. Doctor Preston had remained quiet for the previous minute or so, allowing time for this new information to permeate in some way, but also knowing that questions would soon follow. Looking over at the LAPD detective it was clear that he needed some sort of confirmation for what he thought he'd just heard.

"_Was_ pregnant," he replied softly. "Unfortunately due to the nature of an ectopic pregnancy it makes it almost impossible for an embryo to survive. In this particular case the embryo began to develop inside the fallopian tube and caused it to rupture. The damage to the tube was extensive, and such that we actually had to remove it," he paused, carefully watching as more information was digested. "You also lost a lot more blood than we would have liked. We replaced most of it during surgery, but we'll need to keep an eye on things over the next day or so to make sure you don't become anaemic."

Deeks nodded and released a deep breath before looking over to Kensi, who's eyes were resolutely fixed upon their joined hands, which she had pulled over onto her lap. A deep frown of concentration covered her face as she played with the tips of his fingers, and he could see right then the foundations of a wall being prepared for building upon. There were many questions that needed answering and as he gazed at the troubled and storm-filled eyes of his lover, Deeks knew that some of those questions would have to wait.

"Why did it turn out this way?" he asked, feeling a frown of his own forming in a crevice between his eyes. "I mean, was it something-"

"It was nothing either of you did." Doctor Preston quickly assured him, cutting off the question before it fully formed. "There are rarely cut and dry answers in this type of situation. All I can tell you is that this is how it started out, and there was nothing you could have done to change it."

Deeks nodded again, although he'd felt little reassurance from the words, and he doubted Kensi did either.

"Look, I'm sorry but I have to get to surgery." The doctor added with a quick check of his watch. "But if you have any other questions or concerns just ask someone to page me. I'm here until late."

"Thank you," Deeks replied automatically as the doctor exited, though his gaze was once more focused on Kensi.

Looking up from their linked hands and into his eyes, Kensi held her partner's gaze, desperately searching amongst the emotions she found staring back at her. She expected to see hurt and doubt, perhaps even distrust tinged with anger at having not told him that which she didn't even know herself. But it wasn't there to be found.

"I didn't know," she told him quietly, the lump in her throat easing slightly. "I swear I didn't know."

Deeks didn't answer, his expression unreadable, and when he drew his hand from hers and stood from his chair it was as if someone had dropped a bucket of ice directly into Kensi's stomach. Closing her eyes tightly not wanting to watch as he walked away, the touch of his hand on her face was unexpected and startling.

Fingers softly combing her dark locks back behind her ear, his hand resting on her neck as his thumb brushed lightly over her jaw, Deeks sat facing her on the bed before leaning over and pressing his lips to her forehead.

"I know," he whispered and Kensi could feel the belief and comfort in his words. "I know."

* * *

After being moved from the surgical recovery ward and into a private room a little while later, Kensi soon drifted off into a deep slumber. Her head had begun to ache not long after waking from the surgery, but as the weight of all she and Deeks had been told crashed down on her, she could feel the ache working its way towards a dull throbbing. The freshly stitched incision low on her abdomen was also starting to cause her discomfort, to the extent that when Deeks suggested that she take something before the pain built too severely, she didn't fight him too strongly, or for even too long. At seeing Kensi's tired nod of agreement, Deeks hadn't hesitated in reaching across the bed and pushing the appropriate button to release a dose of pain killers.

Watching her carefully Deeks struggled to read the expression on his partner's face, or the usual tells of her body language. It was all such a convoluted mix. With her head turned studiously away from him, her eyes unwilling to make any sort of contact and her left arm wound tightly about her chest, Deeks couldn't help but wonder if she even wanted him there. But as he shifted his position on the bed, intending to move into the chair beside it, Kensi's right hand reached out quickly, grasping his wrist and sliding her fingers firmly around his hand.

"Please don't leave."

Kensi's voice was soft and small while totally lacking the confidence she usually exuded in almost every situation, and her words left Deeks feeling as if he'd just been slapped. Clearly able to see the first few layers of brick being cemented into place around the confines of her heart and mind, in truth he had been prepared for that on some level. It was her automatic reaction, her honed and well-practised response, and it was what he expected. But as he tried to accept that the words he had heard and the voice which had spoken them did indeed belong to Kensi, he couldn't help but notice how quick construction had left gaps in the aforementioned walls. However, now wasn't the time to explore them, to poke and prod and perhaps weaken the structure further. All he could hope was that by the time they managed to talk that Kensi hadn't managed to plug them somehow.

"I'm not going anywhere, Kens. I'm staying right here," he told her softly, hopefully giving her the one thing she seemingly needed, but more importantly wanted to hear.

Placing a kiss to the side of her head Deeks moved from the bed to the chair noting the firm determination with which Kensi kept grasp of his hand. As she closed her eyes, the pain medication beginning to take effect, relaxing her towards sleep, it was only then that her fingers loosened and Deeks felt himself release a deep sigh.

* * *

"_Take your eyes off me, there's nothing here to see  
__Just trying to keep my head together.  
__And as we make our vow, let us remember how  
__There's nothing good that lasts forever."_

_Music drifted lightly through Deeks' apartment, seemingly carried on by the breeze which meandered in from the open living room window, eventually reaching every space._

_With a final glance through the oven door and a final stir of the saucepan sitting atop the stove, the detective opened the fridge, grabbed out two bottles of beer and made his way towards the bathroom. Pushing open the door a light, warm mist surrounded him and gave sharp contrast to the cool tiles beneath his bare feet. Pulling a towel from the rail he dropped it onto the floor before sitting down on top of it and resting back against the side of the tub. Removing the caps from the beer bottles he proffered one over his shoulder and after feeling it safely leave his hand he held his own up also, waiting only a second before the expected 'clink' of glass came. Deeks smiled and took a draw from his drink. _

"_I keep telling you," he began, and Kensi didn't need to see her partner's smile to know it was there. She could practically hear it in his voice. "Too many bubbles spoil the view." _

"_Well I'm pretty sure your overly-active imagination is more than capable of filling in the blanks," she replied dryly and took a sip from her own bottle._

"_True," he conceded gently and dropped his head back further until it met the edge of the tub and his eyes met the ceiling. _

_Reaching a hand out from under the warm water and bubbles, Kensi's damp fingers wove into Deeks' messy, blond hair and gently rubbed at his head. _

"_You okay?" she asked, noticing how subdued he'd been since she arrived at his place an hour earlier. _

"_Yeah, just tired."_

"_Really?" she prodded a little sceptically. "That all?"_

_Deeks let out a short breath of laughter at Kensi's perceptiveness. As partners, doing the jobs they did, they'd developed a pretty good radar for each other's moods and emotions over the last couple of years. But now, with the changes they'd made to their relationship, the sensitivity of the radar seemed to be gradually increasing. _

"_That and I spoke to Laura earlier," he admitted leaning in further towards the heavenly feel of Kensi's fingers against his skull. "She's missing her dad."_

"_And you're not?"_

_Deeks remained quiet as he allowed thoughts of Jim Weiss, and the permanent loss of him from his life two months previous, to run randomly through his head. Kensi's gentle enquiry had held no expectation of a reply, and he knew it was because the answer was so obvious. Of course he missed him. Sometimes to the point where it physically hurt, and his recent conversation with Laura had been one of those times. Her sadness was still fresh in his mind, along with the tears he had heard in her voice and as he felt the swell of emotion surge through his chest once more he was grateful to have Kensi there with him. She got it, without question, without explanation. How could she not? And her presence, along with the simple touch of her hand was enough to ground him once more. _

"_I thought we'd do better at Pendleton today." Deeks commented moving the conversation along once more. "MP's didn't seem overly excited to see us getting involved in their investigation." _

_Kensi paused before answering, but didn't fight the topic change. It was just how he needed to deal with things this time._

"_Well they've been doing a pretty good job of keeping a lid on how much in the way of weaponry is actually missing, so to have us blow that wide open is a bit of a kick to the gut."_

"_Going by the look on a few of those guy's faces, I was thinking somewhere a little further south, but sure," he added with a shrug before taking another sip of beer. _

"_And now we have another dead marine and another base with missing weapons to add to things." Kensi mused with a sigh._

"_Well, that's tomorrow's problem," he said, twisting around in place to face her, an arm now resting where his head was previously. "For tonight it's you, me, dinner and whatever crappy movie you decide to torture me with."_

_Kensi smiled, then sitting up leaned over to Deeks and pressed a warm, lingering kiss to his eager lips. _

_Allowing his gaze to wonder downwards while his fingers traced a feint line along the length of her collar bone, Deeks smiled admiringly at the view he now had before him. Fingers rising up the side of her long neck and tangling in her hair, Deeks returned his eyes to Kensi's._

"_Less bubbles is definitely better," he murmured, then closing the gap between them pushed his lips to hers once more._

* * *

Pulling his vibrating cell phone from his pocket, Deeks looked down at the caller ID and paused. It was Callen, no doubt wanting an update on how Kensi was doing, but in truth he wasn't sure if he was ready to have that conversation just yet. What would he even say? Glancing over at his sleeping partner, her pale features stark in contrast to the rich darkness of the long hair which framed them, he felt a surge of emotion that seemed to catch in his throat, and by that point speaking at all was beyond him.

The phone rung off and Deeks sighed. Reaching once more for Kensi's hand he noted how she failed to stir at his touch. He liked to think that it was mostly down to familiarity, but the more honest part of his brain, the part less inclined to lie to himself, knew that it was also due to how tired and unwell Kensi was currently feeling. This whole event had, quite frankly, floored him, and he'd been left with an odd combination of feeling physically tired whilst his brain continued to buzz at speed, trying as hard as it could to process all that had happened through the day.

Rubbing his face with his free hand, he shook his head knowing that in reality it wasn't answers in the more classic sense of the meaning that he was looking for. The doctor had been unable to give them little more than facts, rather than actual reasons for what had occurred. This alone was frustrating, especially as it completely lacked the emphasis of blame and justification that Deeks felt the need for right then.

Deep in the pit of his stomach he could feel it rising, up from under his ribs and across his chest until it seemed to claw at his very breath. Anger. And he couldn't even mark it with rationality as there was no-one to blame, no-one he could point a finger at. He felt anger for what Kensi had been through that day. He felt anger at having nearly lost her, and for the part he had played at the inception of events leading to it. And he felt anger for them having lost something so precious, so irreplaceable, without even knowing they had created it in the first place.

Adjusting his position in the chair he had been sat in for more than an hour, Deeks felt something digging uncomfortably in his butt and shifted so that he could remove it from his pocket. Remembering immediately upon touching the smooth leather of it's cover that Callen had given him Kensi's badge, Deeks opened it up and simply stared. And for some reason it calmed him. So much of what he held in his hands made Kensi who she was. The metal, leather and plastic were irrelevant, it was the four letters encased within those materials which truly mattered. One way or another they had carried her on a long and important journey, one which had shaped the whole of her adult life, and one which had eventually brought her into Deeks' life.

Being a cop he'd always felt fairly confident in his definition of the word 'partner'. However, both his friendship and relationship with Kensi had changed it way beyond a point he had previously recognised. The rest of the team had helped with that also, and as Deeks recalled the look on Callen's face when he'd handed over Kensi's badge to him, he found himself reaching for his phone and dialling.

Picking up after only a couple of rings, Callen was quick to the point.

"Hey, Deeks, how's Kensi?"

"She's, uh," he paused, his eyes never leaving his sleeping partner. "She's doing okay."

"The surgery went okay?"

"Yeah, it went okay," he confirmed quietly, lifting Kensi's hand from the bed and lightly brushing his lips across her knuckles before rising from the chair and making his way out into the corridor. "She was feeling a little rough earlier, but she's asleep now, so hopefully she'll wake up feeling a bit better later."

Deeks could feel his stomach twist in anticipation of Callen's next question, wondering what information he might now be forced to impart. In truth he had no idea as to what the senior agent already knew regarding his and Kensi's relationship, or the situation they were currently in, and part of him just didn't care. But the other part that did, really wasn't keen on this moment being the time when all was fully revealed. However, sometimes there just wasn't a choice. And other times there were still surprises to be found.

"Yeah well tell her to take it easy." Callen continued lightly. "I know it's only an appendicitis but even our in-house Wonder Woman will need a little recovery time before she starts taking on criminals again."

Deeks didn't know how to reply, such was his surprise, but he knew he needed to say something, and quickly.

"Yeah, I'll let her know," he managed.

After saying 'goodbye' and hanging up the call less than a minute later, Deeks pushed his phone back into his pocket. Standing silently in the middle of the hospital corridor he slowly tried to take in and process what he had just been told. Appendicitis. He had definitely heard the word appendicitis.

Folding his arms firmly across his body, he could feel a spark of anger start to turn his stomach and tighten his chest once more, but this time it seemed to have focus.

Callen, and by extension Sam too, had been told that Kensi had suffered an appendicitis, and in Deeks' mind there was only one person who would have taken the liberty of telling them that. Clearly it was a cover story, probably told in order to protect Kensi's privacy in the matter, and again Deeks could think of only one person who would have taken such steps.

Rubbing his hand along his jaw and turning in place, he took in a deep breath, fighting against the hurt and anger that was spreading about him. He recalled the conversation he had shared with Hetty earlier in the day regarding Kensi's condition and the lack of information available, due to neither of them being listed as next of kin. At the time, although he'd not really wanted to admit it to himself, he'd suspected that Hetty had known the truth, but he'd quickly pushed the thought to one side. Partly because what was happening with Kensi was far more important, but also because he'd always thought himself worth more than a lie of that sort, particularly when it came to his partner.  
However, as he looked along the corridor through narrowed eyes to see the tiny Operations Manager quietly approaching, Deeks couldn't shake the sense that in this instance he couldn't have been more wrong.

TBC...


	5. Chapter 5

**Many thanks to everyone who took the time to read, review and alert following the last chapter. It really and truly is appreciated.  
I can only offer apologies for the slow updates - I will endeavour to get quicker - but as I'm sure you can all appreciate my family has to come before my writing. **

**My eternal thanks go to imahistorian for all of her help, support and encouragement - amazing as always! :) **

**And finally to the 'guest' reviewer who left me the most fantastic feedback for Natural Equilibrium on Feb 22nd - Wow, and thank you!**

* * *

Watching in silence as Hetty made her way along the corridor towards him, Deeks could feel himself struggling against the maelstrom of emotions that were twisting around inside him. Part of him wanted to demand answers of the Operations Manager for the omissions she had so obviously made earlier in the day, but another part wanted nothing more than to remain silent on the matter forever.

Hetty knew about his relationship with Kensi, had known since almost the beginning, and through silent, but mutual, agreement they had happily engaged in a 'don't ask, don't tell' understanding. But now, five months on, Deeks couldn't help but feel as if some acknowledgement of their relationship could have made a difference to how the previous few hours had played out.

Nothing seemed clear in his head, no emotion felt whole, and in truth he had no idea of how he felt about all that happened. He liked to think, maybe even hope, that Hetty had good reasons for not permitting him the truth of Kensi's condition when she had summoned him to the hospital. She had obviously felt his presence necessary, and likely not just because he and Kensi were friends and partners. Their relationship must have figured into the decision somewhere, especially considering what information had been delivered to them. He just couldn't fathom what Hetty's reasons might be.

"Good evening, Mr Deeks. How is Miss Blye doing?"

Deeks swallowed hard, his gaze settling only fleetingly upon Hetty before searching the surrounding area for a point to focus on. In the end his feet seemed to handle the job required with ease.

"She's sleeping," he answered softly, his arms remaining crossed over his body as he spoke. "But she's doing okay."

Hetty nodded as she watched the detective carefully, his body language easily conveying the message of barely contained emotion. His arms, wound tightly about him, seeming to be the only thing holding it all in. A storm was clearly brewing and she could see touches of grey in his eyes that only seemed to add intensity to his gaze. Before she could comment, though, Deeks suddenly excused himself, asking her to sit with Kensi for a short time while he made a couple of phone calls.

"Of course." Hetty responded earnestly.

"Thanks, I don't want her to wake up on her own right now," he told her quietly, then without further explanation turned and made his way along the corridor.

As he walked through the hospital, down two flights of stairs and along another corridor, his journey carried little accompaniment other than the regular thump of his shoes against the polished floor. The surrounding sounds of a hospital at work failed to penetrating through his determination and need to find a source of non-sterilised air.

Pushing out through the large glass doors at the hospital entrance, Deeks took just a few more paces and stopped. Drawing in a long, deep lungful of the late afternoon air he let it out slowly before immediately grasping for another one. Wrapping his arms around his body once more he forced the developing lump in his throat back down to his stomach where it settled uncomfortably. Noticing a wooden bench just a short distance to his left, he wondered towards it and sat down. Leaning forward and resting his elbows firmly upon his thighs, he dropped his head down into his waiting hands, and for a moment the cascade of tumbling thoughts, which had been occupying his mind for so much of the day, ceased.

The single thought which now pushed all others aside was that of Kensi's quiet plea for him not to leave. He knew the greater meaning behind those words, and as he replayed them over in his head he couldn't help but wonder at the fear that must have been stirred in her to actually say them. The men in Kensi's life seemed to have been the ones to influence it the most and to shape it in the most severe of ways. Both her father and Jack had left, each in their own way, and perhaps now she felt that he was likely to follow in his.

Five months ago Kensi had been forced to face, through a chance encounter at a crime scene and Deeks' hospitalisation, the possibility of losing not just her partner, but the man she loved too. And five months ago she had made the choice not to allow her fear of him dying stop her from having the relationship she wanted. Deeks knew that. He'd been a part of the decision. He had faith in it.

But leaving through choice, essentially walking away like Jack had done, was a different ball game altogether. And in this instance Deeks knew this was the type of leaving she was referring to. The trouble was he couldn't quite fathom how he, or their current situation, had managed to stoke that fear in her.

Confusion reigned in the detective's heart and mind over Kensi, over Hetty, over everything. Rubbing at his head with both hands, he ran them down over his face and with another deep breath sat up and back against the thick, solid wood of the bench. He needed time. Time to digest all that had happened. Time to find his way through all the confusion. And most importantly time with Kensi.

Pulling his phone from his pocket once more, he scrolled through the list of names until he found the one he wanted and dialled. It only rung a few times before being answered.

"_Knowles."_

* * *

**_Three months earlier..._**

"_What do you got, guys?" Callen asked, the words out of his mouth even before the sliding doors to the ops centre could complete the task of opening. _

_Behind him, as he strode purposefully into the dimly lit room, his team followed with equal intent, one after the other. _

"_We have got a dead Petty Officer." Eric answered, quickly turning his chair and standing as the agents and detective all settled into position around the room. _

"_New case?" The team leader enquired, an eyebrow raised quizzically as his gaze swept the room in anticipation of Hetty's appearance. _

"_We don't think so." Nell responded carefully, drawing the teams' attention as she and Eric exchanged glances. However, before anyone could question her assertion, Eric moved on with the briefing._

"_Petty Officer First Class Marco Taveras, stationed out of the Naval Amphibious Base Coronado," he began, his fingers working on his tablet as he spoke, quickly allowing a uniformed picture of the man to appear on the main screen."His service record is exemplary. He served in both Iraq and Afghanistan where he took part in a number of highly classified operations." _

"_A SEAL." Sam murmured to himself, though Callen heard both the words and the feeling behind them. He didn't need to look over to his partner to know that an edge of steel had seeped into Sam's expression at hearing that a case now included the death of one of his SEAL brethren. _

"_His body was found by hunters just off Interstate 8 in Cleveland National Forest." _

"_COD?" Callen requested. _

"_Single gunshot wound to the head." Eric replied smoothly. _

"_Is it me or is this starting to sound eerily familiar?" Deeks asked from his position behind the centre console._

"_It's not you." Callen murmured thoughtfully."Looks like we've got a third body on our stolen weapons case." _

"_Do we know when he was killed?" Kensi enquired, a small frown creasing her forehead._

"_The ME has estimated that he was likely killed a couple of weeks ago." Nell responded, taking her turn in the round of questions and answers. _

"_Fits in along the same time line as when Lopez and Aguila were killed." Callen noted, almost to himself. "Why only an estimate?"_

"_Because of the level of decomposition." The young analyst returned. _

"_How bad a level are we talking about here?" Deeks asked, idly gesturing with one hand._

_Fingers tapping at her own tablet, Nell produced a series of crime scene photos for them all to view. The sight of Taveras' body, or more specifically what was left of it, was not a pleasant one. _

"_Wow," he breathed with a slight grimace. "That would be the kind of level where the body bag better not have any holes in it." _

"_Yeah, not so much the natural elements at work here as the park's wildlife." Nell added. She'd spent enough time over the previous few hours going through all the pertinent case information for the immediate effects of the pictures to be less shocking. "The remains were actually discovered four days ago, but it took time to get an identification made," she explained. _

"_Okay, lets start from the top." Callen gently ordered, trying to summarise and recap what they already knew."We've got two dead Marines."_

"_Sergeant Daniel Lopez stationed out of Pendleton." Kensi began, diving in first. "On paper the model marine. But he was suspected of being involved in the theft of large quantities of weapons and explosives from the base, some of which have been linked to the killings of several cartel gang members south of the border." _

"_Routine search of his car, apartment and rented garage didn't come up with any evidence to back those claims." Deeks added, planting both hands down on the console surface in front of him. "His brother runs a fishing charter out of San Diego, but that didn't lead us anywhere either."_

"_E-mail, credit card and banking records were all clean." Eric continued, bringing the information up on screen. "No unusual communications, no unusual financial transactions either in or out of his accounts, and no evidence to show he'd even left the country in the past five months. The only curiosity was that we never found a cell phone." _

"_The body was found just off Interstate 8 on the edge of Anza-Borrego State Park."Nell finalised. "Cause of death was a single gunshot wound to the head, but no ballistics evidence was recovered."_

"_Then we've got Corporal Carlos Aguila, based out of the Marine Corps Air Station at Yuma." Sam began, his voice purposeful and low. "He and Lopez were friends. They grew up in the same neighbourhoods both before and after their families moved here from Mexico, and they both still have family ties in those neighbourhoods."_

"_His service record, though less remarkable than his friend's, was clean and clear of incident, and by all accounts, he was a good marine." Kensi inserted. "Yuma have reported a small quantity of missing weapons, but MP's are dealing with it and Aguila is not suspected of being involved." _

"_Like Sergeant Lopez, his e-mail and banking records showed nothing to link him to the sale of stolen weapons." Eric told them, playing his part in the process once more. "But unlike Lopez he did have a cell phone. Most of the numbers we retrieved we could account for, but there were two that led to pre-paid cells, neither of which we can trace." _

"_Corporal Aguila's body was found by a park ranger just off Interstate 8 approximately five miles west of where Sergeant Lopez was discovered." Nell rounded up. "Cause of death was a single gunshot wound to the head, which according to the ME's report was inflicted at the same time as Lopez's." _

"_And now we have a Navy SEAL to make it a trio." Callen mused without humour before turning to face his team. "Looks like we're all heading to San Diego. Sam and I will handle Taveras' CO. Kensi, Deeks, you guys can pay a visit to -"_

"_Shamu?" Deeks asked hopefully. _

"_Start with Traveras' apartment first and then we'll see if you've been a good enough detective after that." Callen finished with a wry smile. "Eric, Nell, start digging. See if you can tie all three of our victims together with a nice neat bow for us. And if you happen to stumble over something resembling a motive that would be good too."_

_And with that, three agents and a detective turned back towards the door and strode out of ops. _

* * *

Kensi awoke and opened both eyes with unexpected alertness. It had been a noise that had stirred her so suddenly, but as the seconds passed she struggled to recognise and recall what the sound even was. It had been part of her dream, that much she realised. But even so she felt as if she should know it, like she had heard it before and it had played an important part of her life. Closing her eyes she tried to turn back the pages of her dream, so full of colour and texture just a moment ago that she could practically feel the remnants on her skin. But now it was as if each page had been carefully erased, the imagined reality only fleeting in her memory leaving her with nothing more than a sense of something amiss. Something she didn't want to forget.

Opening her eyes more slowly and purposefully this time, Kensi took in her surroundings and with a flood of memories, so in contrast with her lost dream just a couple of minutes earlier, she remembered. She remembered where she was and what had happened to bring her there, and then, with the force of a thirty foot wave crashing down on top of her, she remembered why.

Kensi took in a long, slow breath. Although her emotions felt more limited in range, they certainly weren't lacking in strength or power. Each was now clearly recognisable as one by one they broke clean through the confusion that had previously dominated.

Relief was the first thing she felt. It was the most honest thing she felt, but she knew it wasn't quite right. There was relief for being okay, at being safe, but also the uncontrolled surge of relief at nature having taken care of a decision she would have been far from ready to face herself.

As she considered the choices she could have been faced with, Kensi felt a build of anxiety tighten her chest, but relief soon followed once more at knowing it was no longer a choice she had to make. It felt like a cruel type of cowardice to allow those thoughts to even register in her mind and as she tried to move them out and away it arrived. Unbidden and without warning, as if to hammer home the point, guilt settled in her gut and began to drown out any remnants of relief with immediate and forceful effect.

Questions began to tumble through her head once more and Kensi frowned, searching for the answers she needed to make them silent and complete. However, the questions were winning out along with the guilt and she could feel tears sting at the corners of her eyes. How was it possible to feel relief in the face of such loss? What did that make her? And what did it all mean for her and Deeks? Would she also lose him along with his... their... Kensi let out a deep breath and swiped at the tears that threatened to fall. Even in her head she wasn't able to form the word. It didn't feel real, none of it felt real. Apart from the guilt. That felt more real than anything.

Turning her head at the gentle sound of someone adjusting themselves in the chair beside her, Kensi was met by a pair of bright blue eyes watching her with open kindness and just a small measure of curiosity. They weren't the blue eyes she was hoping for, but the lack of pressure and warmth about her right hand had lessened that expectation anyway. Awareness of her partner's absence had come quickly after waking, but as her mind had meandered along other avenues of thought she had been side tracked from worrying about where he might be. But now knowing his whereabouts felt like her only focus.

"Where's Deeks?"

Hetty smiled reassuringly. "He had a couple of phone calls he wanted to make," she explained. "So he asked that I sit with you until he returned, which I doubt will be much longer."

Kensi nodded, though mostly to herself, and took a deep, steadying breath. He was coming back. Hetty said so.

Watching the older lady carefully, she didn't wait for her to speak again, or to pose the obvious questions that she clearly had the answers to already.

"You know." Kensi stated, her voice carrying no inflection to indicate a question, her gaze dropping to her hands in attempt to stop further tears from forming. Hetty's countenance carried all the gentle understanding and patience that Kensi knew would have her weeping, and it was the last thing she wanted right then. She needed to be strong and tough and hold it all together. And she desperately wanted to get her head around everything that had happened before the growing ache in her heart had the chance to take over.

"I know." Hetty admitted with a small nod of sadness. "How are you?"

Taking pause before responding, Kensi momentarily contemplated the meaning of Hetty's question and the expectation she might have of its answer. Did she actually believe that Kensi might offer some remnant of truth here? Not that she any idea of what that truth might be herself.

"I'm fine," she replied softly, not having to search very hard for the lie she always kept close at hand. "Not in any pain," she added for the sake of balancing things out in the honesty column.

Hetty merely nodded again, whilst appearing to carefully consider her next choice of words. Whether it was sentiments or questions that her boss seemed to struggle over, Kensi couldn't be sure, but Hetty soon spoke.

"You gave us all quite a fright," she began, her chin lowered to her chest while her piercing blue eyes gazed out over the top of her glasses. "The rest of your team have been anxious to hear how you are doing."

Looking up quickly, Kensi's eyes widened as she thought about the rest of the team knowing what truths lay behind her stay in hospital.

"What did you tell them?" she asked, an edge of wariness in her voice at the prospect of this particular piece of information being shared so openly. She didn't want it for her, she didn't want it for Deeks. She didn't want it for _them._

At work they were partners, at home they were... what? In Kensi's mind only one word seemed to fit. Everything. At home they were everything. Everything else, everything but, everything and so much more. The line they often found themselves walking between the two was both grey and blurred, but it was there and it was important to them. They'd talked, debated, even argued, at times about the rest of the team finding out about their relationship, but as time had passed it all seemed so thoroughly unimportant. They knew where the line was and what it signified. Everything else, including who else knew, paled in relevance. However, when the rest of the team did find out about them, Kensi knew she didn't want it to be because of circumstances such as these. She didn't want it to be because something had happened to force their hand. She didn't want it to be because of _this_.

"I told them that you suffered an appendicitis." Hetty responded evenly, watching the reaction of this information form on her young agent's face. "Given the personal nature of the situation I didn't think you would be in favour of uncensored truths, unless they were on your terms. And I've been assured the symptoms are similar enough."

Kensi's eyes closed and her chin dropped down almost to her chest as she released a breath of utter relief.

"Thank you," she murmured before lifting her eyes to meet Hetty's once more.

At that moment the sound of a door being carefully opened created a shift in Kensi's attention as she turned quickly to see who was entering the room.

Cautiously poking his head around the half open door, a gentle smile forming over his face at seeing his partner awake once more, Deeks stepped fully into the room before moving over to Kensi's side and reaching for her hand. It wasn't hard to see the mix of emotions that were pulling steadily at her head and her heart. It was as clear in her eyes, as he was certain it was in his.

Briefly looking over to Hetty with a tight smile, Deeks quickly focused back on Kensi.

"How you feeling?" he asked, his voice barely registering above a whisper as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Pain's eased," she told him, but was unsure of saying anything more. It wasn't just the fact that Hetty was sat there with them, but also that she had no clue where to even start. Lies would be so easy to tell at this point, their fabrication and fantasy far more preferable to the reality they were currently trying to adjust to.

"Good," he breathed, leaning over and placing a light kiss high on her cheek.

Part of him had wanted to hear her say she was 'fine' despite knowing the usual terms of that particular word use as well as he did. Perhaps because it was one of the first times in a long time that he would actually be willing to accept the answer and embrace it. Perhaps because he so desperately wanted it to be the truth.

Standing from the high-backed hospital chair she had been occupying, Hetty cleared her throat softly drawing the faces of her agent and liaison over towards her.

"I am going to head off and leave you to get some more rest, Miss Blye," she told them with a small smile, giving Kensi's free hand a brief squeeze. "If there is anything I can do just let me know."

Deeks remained silent as he nodded woodenly in response. He could feel a surge of words threatening to escape, a protest of sorts against Hetty's final offer and sentiment, but knew it was not the time. He wanted to pass comment, to point out that _anything_ for him had been the truth, and the chance for that had passed. But he choked it back down uncomfortably, pushing his own selfish interpretation of events aside knowing they had to come second to Kensi, and right then the last thing she needed was the additional weight of his anger over Hetty's earlier omissions.

"Thanks, Hetty." Kensi said as the Operations Manager passed over the threshold of the room allowing the door to close behind her with a gentle thud.

Dropping her head fully back against the small mound of pillows behind her, Kensi's eyes scanned the tiled ceiling, not really knowing what she was hoping to see. Feeling Deeks' finger tips brushing over her wrist in a light pattern she shifted her gaze over to his and saw her own swirling storm of emotions mirrored back in his blue eyes.

"I don't know what to say here, Kens," he told her quietly, his gaze lowering away from hers as if it were a shameful admission to make. "I really wish I did know, cause it feels like I should, but..." Pause. "I'm struggling to just get my head around the fact they you were pregnant and we didn't even know," he finished, scratching his head before shaking it.

"Yeah," she agreed softly. "Have to say I'm struggling with that one too."

Quickly looking up from the fading knee of his jeans, his expression heavy with regret at the possible meaning of his words. "God, Kens, I didn't mean to make it sound like- "

"You didn't," she assured him, squeezing his fingers firmly and cutting off the apology that was flowing unnecessarily from his lips.

Searching her face as if to memorise it, Deeks' eyes settled completely and fully on hers. He could feel his frown deepen and a thick lump form in his throat as he lost himself in her chocolate brown eyes. The sheer volume of thoughts and emotions they could convey sometimes appeared to border infinity, and although Kensi came incredibly close to turning it all off at times, today wasn't one of them.

"I almost lost you today," he whispered.

Reaching out and brushing his unruly blond locks back and away from his eyes, Kensi rested her hand on his cheek, her gaze never shifting away from his.

"But you didn't."

Giving a brief nod, Deeks covered her hand with his, moving it down and along his jaw before pressing kisses to her fingers and palm. She was here, she was okay, and rarely had he felt so grateful for anything.

"How did this even happen?" he asked, his previous frown becoming more quizzical as the recent wave of emotion slowly receded once more.

"What, your Mom never have that chat with you?" Kensi responded in mock innocence and watched as a very welcome smile grew over her partner's handsome features.

"Actually she did, but that's not quite what I meant," he replied, his smile lessening, but not leaving. "We're pretty careful, Kens. I thought we'd covered our bases. And no," he added quickly, seeing the look on her face alter. "That was not intended as a metaphor."

Allowing a breath of laughter to escape her, Kensi looked back down at their joined hands.

"Nothing in life has a hundred percent guarantee, Deeks," she answered almost sadly. "Condoms included."

Deeks nodded, knowing in truth he wasn't naïve enough to believe there wasn't ever a chance of this happening. He just hadn't ever imagined it happening _like _this.

"Well I can tell you one thing that has a hundred percent guarantee attached to it."

"Really?" she asked looking back up to the smile he was offering. "And what's that?"

Leaning in close until their heads touched, his nose rubbing lightly over hers, Deeks pressed a lingering kiss to her waiting lips, pouring a river of emotion into the simple motion.

"I love you," he whispered. "One hundred percent guaranteed."

Kensi could feel tears sting at her eyes, knowing she couldn't argue against him. Not even a little. Not on this. "And I love you back."

"We're gonna get through this."

"I really hope you're right."

**TBC...**


End file.
